SYDNEY—Basketball Australia CEO Larry Sengstock today held a press conference to herald the imminent return of a sponsor that "actually sells something concrete and real". Sengstock proudly proclaimed the sponsor produces "something you might purchase in a shop".

“This is a proud return to Australian basketball’s halcyon days when people recognized the signs on courtside boxes and the stickers on the court,” Sengstock told the reporter.

“This new sponsor sells a product that is concrete and real. Even more concrete than the Perth Wildcats principle partner that uses concrete to construct buildings, I am told. Yes, apparently the Wildcats major sponsor, the Diploma group, are involved in property development, not counterfeit diplomas as I previously believed.”

“I can assure you this new sponsor will sell something useful. You don’t need insurance against that guarantee. But if you did, I’d choose Australia's most obscure insurance company, also Wollongong Hawks’ naming rights sponsor, AHM, whatever those initials stand for.”

“If you thought the announcement of the 36ers naming rights sponsor, Hoodsweeney, was big, this coming announcement will blow you away,” an excited Sengstock concluded.

However, the announcement is of no concern to prominent club owner, Seamus McPeake. “I don’t know what the fuss is about,” McPeake told The Bball Scoop. “Who cares as long as we get some cash.”

“Dodo is under investigation by the ACCC and I don’t even know what OAMPS does, but they both help subsidise Anstey’s contract.”

“For fuck sake, sometimes I can’t even read the name of some of our sponsors!” McPeake added, alluding to the Chinese company written using Chinese characters on the Tigers uniform.

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