Obama campaign poster (left), new BA poster (right)
SYDNEY—Following the press conference last week to announce no change, Basketball Australia Chief Executive Larry Sengstock has made yet another insignificant announcement: a new Basketball Australia propaganda poster.

"After conducting extensive stakeholder engagement and comprehensive commercial analysis, our review committee, thinking outside the box, has concluded that a proactive ‘change neutral’ approach is required to maximise the NBL’s exposure and potential revenue in order to achieve mission critical outcomes for the forthcoming ‘next generation’ national league," Sengstock told the press conference.

"With customer-focused vertical secured lines, enterprise-wide dynamic productivity, and our focused actuating task-force, the league is in a prime position to develop optimal mandatory bottom-line budgetary management, decentralized 4th generation inheritance, and a customer-focused didactic toolset."

The new poster bears a remarkable resemblance to a campaign poster used by US President Barack Obama. Venturing off his buzz-phrase loaded script, Sengstock conceded there were similarities. "It may appear to be a rip-off, but Obama recently won yet another award for this compelling piece of propaganda," Sengstock noted. "The award, of course, was the President of the United States of America."

"I'm all for change, but not if it's so difficult. That's why I take a proactively 'change neutral' approach to leadership," Sengstock added, marking the tenth time he had used his new buzz-phrase during the first five minutes of the press conference.

"Doing nothing, or as I have coined it, 'change neutrality', represents a paradigm shift in modern administration: it's like change, but safer and easier."

"Nonetheless, we (Basketball Australia) are still achieving things. The club owners can't deny that," Sengstock asserted, clenching his Seamus McPeake-shaped stress ball.

When asked if an image of Sengstock on a poster purported to promote Basketball Australia was shameless self-promotion, Sengstock appeared agitated, throwing the spherical stress ball towards the bin, only to airball it. "If Rick Burton can put his signature on the game ball, why can't I put my face on this new Basketball Australia poster?"
SYDNEY--As has become a tradition of Basketball Australia’s quarterly meetings, the issue of a switch of season has been brought up for discussion, a league spokesman stated. The last major switch of season occurred in 1998 when the league went from a winter sport to a summer sport.  This coincided with the already existent steady decline in popularity of the sport.

“Of course, we haven’t agreed on the most appropriate switch of season for the national league yet,” Basketball Australia chief Larry Sengstock said following the meeting. “However, to demonstrate that our discussions regarding this issue are not completely futile and do produce definite decisions leading to tangible outcomes, we have unanimously voted to approve the switch from spring to summer for the 1st of December. This additionally keeps us in line with FIBA standards which state that ‘FIBA competitions must adhere to the same seasonal nomenclature as is standard in each respective country’. This puts us even more in line with FIBA standards.”

“This marks yet another productive outcome for Basketball Australia, as we also voted a few weeks ago in favour of a switch from winter to spring on September 1,” Sengstock added.
MELBOURNE—In what is being described as a masterful maneuver in time management by Basketball Australia chief Larry Sengstock, an NBL fan plans to use the 8 minutes lost game time – a result of the change from a 48 minute game to a 40 minute game – to wait in line to buy a hot snack.

"Last season I’d leave to get hot food at half-time and I’d usually miss about 8 minutes of game time waiting in line to buy hot food," local fan Jim Garrison told the reporter at the hastily arranged news conference. "I figured if I timed my arrival to the hot food area well enough so that it overlapped with the 8 minutes of lost game time, I wouldn't miss any action. I’d be able to see the whole game!"

Basketball Australia head Larry Sengstock heralded this as yet another shining example of the benefit of the reduction to a 40 minute game, along with "a lower average number of controversial refereeing decisions per game" and "a lower average number of turnovers per game, surely indicative of a higher quality of play."