"The AFL has been slowly and gradually adopting basketball ideas for decades. We just need to do it slow enough so that it won't offend the traditionalists," Geoff Jones, Head of the Basketball Division of the AFL, told The Bball Scoop.
"It's part of our long-term strategy to eradicate basketball as a competitor," Jones, also
a religious historian and 'The Da Vinci Code' fan, continued. "It's much like the Constantine-era Christians adopted Pagan traditions and ideas, such as the virgin birth and a December 25 celebration, to quash the relevance of Paganism."
Amongst the basketballisation of Aussie Rules is a possession-driven offensive structure,
zone defense, basketball terminology such as "assists", athletic black-skinned athletes, and love-childs around the country. In recent years the Americanization of the AFL has included overpaid athletes with tribal tattoos and systematically suppressed positive drug tests.
"The general football-loving public loathes basketball, but our market research shows that they love basketball ideas so long as we don't use the word the dreaded b-word, basketball. Frankly, basketball ideas are superior to our irrational traditionalist and archaic Aussie football ideas, it's just that basketball has become too much of a laughing stock to be taken seriously."
In future plans to further adopt basketball ideas, the AFL is expected to announce the installation of netting behind the goals in coming seasons, although this is sure to make post-game Grand Final celebrations a long and tedious affair.