Menu:

 
ATHENS, GREECE—Serbian officials have reprimanded Serbian centre Nenad Krstic for his undisciplined and "pathetically inaccurate use of a projectile during a conflict" following an incident in which Krstic threw a chair at -- and missed -- his intended gigantic target, Sofoklis "Euro Shaq" Schortsanitis. The chair ultimately hit Greek reserve centre Ioannis Bourousis in the head, drawing a stream of blood down his neck. Experts consider this to be a very minor incident for a Greek basketball game.

Krstic threw the chair late in the brawl between Greece and Serbia, which was started when Serbian guard Milos Teodosic and Greek forward Antonis Fotsis argued over who had the most hot-headed team.

The Serbian basketball federation has issued a statement criticising Krstic for bringing dishonour to the nation, ordering Krstic to attend compulsory chair-throwing classes to better reflect the nation's proven ability to target minority groups with violent precision.

"Serbia has an entire UN department dedicated to the investigation of Serbian war crimes," a Serbian official declared at the press conference. "We have proven that we can be an effective, intimidating and destructive presence in Europe. Krstic is undoing all this hard work."

"Nenad [Krstic] has brought shame to the nation," the Serbian official elaborated. "We are better at violence than what Krstic has demonstrated. Krstic should've clobbed Schortsanitis with the chair if he thought his chair throwing form was not good."

It is believed that the incident will have serious ramifications on Serbia's chance to medal at the upcoming World Championships, as Krstic's chair-throw percentage has now dipped below his free-throw percentage.

Without access to portable chairs of their own, Greek fans proceeded to throw drink and food containers at the Serbian team as they walked out of the venue. Due to the poor economy in Greece and defying a long-running tradition, fans no longer can afford to throw coins at opposition players.

FIBA has joined forces with the United Nations' International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia to investigate and resolve the matter. FIBA has suggested that any future violent disputes between nations should be settled with the use of a possession arrow.

Under this proposed international possession arrow system, the United States will have to concede next possession to Vietnam, Korea, Somalia, states comprising the former Yugoslavia, Afghanistan and Iraq. The United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has responded to FIBA's suggestion by reaffirming her committment to the NBA-style international "jump ball" in which America does not need to take turns to be involved in miltary conflicts, describing the possession arrow as a "communist, anti-competitive idea".

Meanwhile, Vince McMahon of World Wrestling Entertainment has offered Krstic a headline
act as the "Oklahoma Oaf" in the case of his expected lengthy suspension from basketball.
 


Comments

Silencer83
25/08/2010 16:31

Top article guys, keep them coming. Too bad FIBA took a limp approach and suspended nobody.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply