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Brian Goorjian contemplates no semi-final appearance
CHINA—National Basketball League coaching legend Brian Goorjian has had to admit to his loyal group of followers, nicknamed ‘Goorj fanboys’, that he is unlikely to make the final four this NBL season. ‘Goorj fanboys’ have become accustomed to nothing but success with Goorjian teams enjoying consistently remarkable on-court achievements over the last two decades. The 2009/10 season may mark the first time since 1989 that Brian Goorjian has failed to coach an NBL team to the semi-finals.
 
Goorjian remains winless this NBL season. With Goorjian's current unprecedented lack of success, it is uncertain how ‘Goorj fanboys’ will respond. “Most Goorjian supporters typically also suffer from a dreadful condition called 'Bandwagonism' that limits their capacity to follow a losing product,” Dr. Tobias Ornottoby of the University of Sydney told reporters. “Let me put it this way: they don’t support Goorjian for his charming courtside personality.”

“We are very concerned that Goorj fanboys could become extinct within the year given the remarkable rate at which they are vanishing from our only current measurable proxy for their existence, the online environment.”

“Goorj fanboys who followed the Sydney Kings and the South Dragons are especially difficult to find online these days. Our research suggests that this double-whammy of losing their favourite team and then losing their favourite coach has sent them into a destructive spiral. We seriously fear for their safety given their current apparent headspace.”

Speaking in front of a large media contingent at a press conference in Shanghai, Goorjian offered no excuses for the end of one of the greatest streaks in Australian sport. “I’ve reviewed the game tapes several times. I have nobody to blame but myself,” Goorjian told reporters. With Goorjian recently appointed as an assistant coach of the Chinese national team, the Chinese media was suitably unimpressed by Goorjian’s loss of face.

“Any good coach will tell you that you first need players and a team to succeed,” Goorjian said.

“But please rest assured. That is one area that I believe I can definitely improve upon in my tenure as assistant coach of China. Surely we won’t have too much trouble assembling a team when there are 1.3 billion of you guys to choose from.

“You can’t all fold on me.”
 


Comments

Cat

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:49:28

Puuulease. I was a Kings supporter when they experienced the dark days of 98-99 so it made the good times that much sweeter

Truth be told I will always be a Goorjian "fanboy" or "fangirl" as it were

Love the work on this site, hilarious!

 

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